How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
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i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
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blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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