My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
