you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
