I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
