So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
