were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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