he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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