i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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