So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
