She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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