so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
