Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
