woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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