I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
