I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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