He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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