Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
