this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
