Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize