The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
