If i come over, it means nothing
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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