I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
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Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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