Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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