i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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