The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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