On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
