He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize