just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize