I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
