i don't plan on having that self control this summer
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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