I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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