I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
