i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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