do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
