He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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