Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
