God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
