I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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