At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
