why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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