At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You left your phone here
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