hotel room ftw
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
