Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
