I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
