haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
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I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.