I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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