Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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