Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Oh god it's open bar.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
