i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
