Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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