she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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