I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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