First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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