put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
