If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
