Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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