Small penises have feelings too.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
