Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
