....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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