I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
