My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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