You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
