Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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