i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
