I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
