Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
