I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
