so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
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