I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
