And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she looked like the before picture.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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