so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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