I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
