I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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