I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
