You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
