New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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