i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
