the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
