I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
