The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
