omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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