she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
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She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
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Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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