I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
