Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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