a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
