we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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