I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
